


Slowing Down and Heating Up

by LoveOn_970



Series: Flash Family Saga [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Accidental Death, F/M, Family Drama, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8484289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveOn_970/pseuds/LoveOn_970
Summary: Barry and Iris were meant to be. The byline said so, Iris West-Allen. It was destined to happen. Written in stone and set in motion. Caitlin was destined to be alone and single for the rest of her days. Everyone's future was already determined. That is until a new stranger enters everyone's lives, creating new futures for everyone, whether they like it or not.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I've posted and in honor of Caitlin fulfilling the role of Killer Frost this season, why not write a new fanfic?

    _****The Cortex--17 years into the future****_

_"Mom! Mom, help! Daddy isn't breathing! Why isn't he waking up? Why isn't he rapidly healing? Oh God, what have I done?"_

_I stood there in utter shock and awe. My daughter just killed her father, the love of my life...my Barry. I felt my heart completely freeze over for the final time, unable to thaw. I just witnessed my daughter murder her father...to save my life. I didn't know what to think, what to feel. Ever since Victoria was born, Barry and I have worked to make sure that Tori would grow up with both of her parents. Looking into my husband's lifeless eyes, watching my daughter's speedster suit become drenched in blood and tears, I joined her. I fell to my knees and buried my face into my hands and cried._

_No. I sobbed._

_I felt sobs overpower my body and it wasn't going to stop. I felt angry, depressed, relived, lonely, hostile, loving, and murderous all into one. As we cried together over the death of Central City's Scarlet Speedster, there was a whoosh sound and there was a bright bluish light filling up the room. Ronnie Raymond had stepped into the Cortex with a smug expression on his face. I immediately felt all of the feelings of sadness wash away and I felt my anger make my blood freeze over. I got up slowly and felt ice begin to encase my hands. I was ready to kill the motherfucker._

_"Ronnie. Get the hell out of here."_

_"Come on Cait. You just lost your husband. Why don't I help you...heal?"_

_"I think I'd rather let you kill me first."_

_"That could very much be arranged Dr.Snow-ALLEN."_

_The way he emphasized "Allen". It brought on a new wave of sadness. But I didn't quiver as I took my stance against him. As the tears fell, as I remembered my daughter fling the lightning at her father by mistake, the pure fear, regret and sadness etched into her face, I remembered_ him.  _Ronnie had started it all. Ronnie had caused my daughter to kill her father by mistake. All because of me. This bitch caused us so much pain because of me. Well, if that's the case, he's gonna die because of me._

_As I prepared to form icicles in my hands to fight Deathstorm, another vortex had popped up, this one much stronger than the last one. It began to suck everything in the room toward it, as though it were a powerful black hole. I didn't realize its severity until I heard Tori scream uncontrollably. I turned my head to find my daughter gripping on to my work desk as she was trying to place her feet back onto the ground._

_I tried to make my way toward her but Ronnie held me back. I felt my blood being to boil and I turned to fight him. In that short amount of time...my baby girl let go. Ronnie screamed out her name and I turned back around to see her fly into the vortex. As I ran to her, she was sucked in and the vortex had closed just as quickly as it opened. Not only did my daughter kill my husband, but I just lost my daughter...all in one day._

 

_****Central City Park--Year:2016****_

I woke up with a throbbing in my head. My navy blue and white suit was charred and my speedster emblem was taken apart. The baby blue center and white lightning bolt were separated from each other. But that was the least of my problems. As I got over the initial pain of landing. I stood up, my hair and clothes in disarray. I was in a park of some sort, seeing all of the joggers and citizens coming and going. 

    "Hey baby, nice Flash variation costume!"

    I turned around and saw a group of boys staring at me---my  _figure_ to be exact. They were all wearing masks and and other costumes; I gathered up the courage to ask, "What day is it?"

    "It's Halloween 2k16 baby girl! Get lit!"

     _2016??? Uh oh._

     I quickly gave them a 'thank-you', and as they rode their bikes away, internally screamed. Just what I fucking needed today. Daddy's gone and I just time traveled. Well, if this was Central City, I knew exactly where to go and what to do.

     I super sped my way to S.T.A.R. Labs; it was time to pay an adorkable couple a visit. 


	2. Have We Met Before?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Caitlin have a little bit of fun in the Cortex just as Cisco and Iris leave, and they afterward meet a female speedster....one who looks awfully familiar.

       It was a crisp, cool Halloween night in Central City. Team Flash just held their annual Halloween party for Team Arrow, Team Legend, Team Super and Team Titans. Once everyone had left after a night of heavy drinking, lighthearted laughter and the occasional meta human attack, Barry, Iris, Caitlin and Cisco had stayed behind to clean up S.T.A.R. Labs. It was a quiet time, except for when the boys tried their hardest to joke around and make the ladies laugh. Iris gave them a small smile while Caitlin gave them the eye roll with a smirk. Barry and Iris were no longer going out, after Iris had found out that Barry and Caitlin had kissed while she was in her Killer Frost form. Barry and Iris were still best friends, but Iris and Caitlin's friendship had hit a slight bump. Nonetheless, everyone was still close as ever and were glad they could connect with the other friends in their lives, people they considered family.

      "Ok...welp this place is clean as fuck right now. Right Caitlin?" Cisco reached up to bring his arm around Barry's shoulder, then drunkenly went to stroke his hair. "Geez Caitlin....did you cut your hair? That was an ugly move."

      Iris and Caitlin suppressed their laughter, Iris' hand flying up to cover her mouth and Caitlin biting her lip. Barry was the only one not laughing; he was in fact ready to clock Cisco square in his jaw, but didn't want to hurt his best friend. He then cleared his throat, hoping Cisco would then realize that it wasn't Caitlin he was referring to.

      "You sick or sumthin' Cait? You sound..." Cisco let out an immensely loud hiccup before continuing. "You sound an awful like Barry. Speaking of which...I still remember when you dumped all of his tea weeks ago. I still remember the bitch causing Dante's death! I ain't forget that. But I forgive the bitch ass Flash. Hell, if it were me in his position, I'd do the same shit!" At this point, Cisco went on and on in a drunken state, Iris, Barry and Caitlin all deathly silent as he continued. 

      "Caityyyyyy...remember when you and Barry made out in the middle of the street while you were Elsa? That looked  _so_ hot. But you were tryna kill him, and I had to blast you off of him. SHHHHHHHHHH....don't tell Iris that though! I don't know if she knows about that."

      Barry and Caitlin shot each other a nervous glance before turning their gaze to Iris, who's face was now flushed red. Iris felt hot with embarrassment, shame and overall anger. She shot Barry and Caitlin a glare before turning her attention to her drunken friend.

      "Don't. I don't wanna hear it. Not tonight anyway. I'll get Cisco home, not only because I care for his well being, but because you two need to talk about 'this'." Iris indicated by pointing to the three of them in a triangular motion.  

      Iris grabbed the bottle of Ciroc out of Cisco's hand and helped him gain his balance, eventually stepping out of the cortex, out of sight and out of earshot. It was just Barry and Caitlin left to clean up the mess, not only from the party, but from whatever was going on between the members of Team Flash. Barry started to sweep as Caitlin, in her full Killer Frost costume (since she had no costume to wear) stared at Barry in his Flash suit. She gulped, trying to find the right words to say. 

     "I'm sorry."  _Really, Caitlin? Great icebreaker._

Barry stopped sweeping and turned to face Caitlin, who looked breathtaking in her Killer Frost costume. Her eyes, her hair, her blue lips, and her figure, they all did things to his mind. They were no looking at each dead in their eyes. Barry was actually confused at this point. Why did she need to be sorry? She didn't ruin her friends lives, she didn't go back in time and fuck everything up, just to have her mom and dad alive and get her childhood bestie to fall in love with her. 

     "Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong."

     "Yes I have."

     "No...you haven't Cait."

     Caitlin sometimes wished Barry would stop being selfless and actually allow her to take some blame for once. Did he need to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders? Did he have to be a damn hero all the time?

     "Yes I have! I ruined your relationship with Iris! She was your first love. Your _true_ love. She's smart, she's sexy, she's kind and she's badass."

     "So are you. What's your point Cait?"

     "I'm saying you were perfectly happy with your perfect girl. She's not broken, Barry. You didn't have mixed feelings about her and I ruined  _everything._ All because of my conflicting feelings for you."

     Barry sighed heavily. He hated to see Caitlin like this. He just wanted her to be happy, and if he made her happy, more so than she wanted to admit, then he would do his best to make sure she is the happiest person alive. After all of her heartache in life, she deserved some happiness. 

     "You didn't ruin anything Cait. I would be lying if I said I didn't think of that kiss we shared. In fact...It's been on my mind for days. Maybe Iris wasn't meant to be Iris West-Allen. Maybe the name Allen is supposed to be taken by someone else. Someone who deserves the world...no matter how broken they are. No matter how cold they try to be. Sometimes, great possibilities are right in front of us, and we don't see them because we choose not to."

     Caitlin smiled her blindingly white smile. She was happy that Barry felt some type of way toward her, but she still felt guilty. That was until Barry engulfed her in a hug and whispered in her ear, "You need to stop doing this to yourself Cait...you deserve everything."

     Caitlin returned his embrace while biting her lip. She felt Barry's hands travel downward, take her ass into his hands and give it a light squeeze. She moaned into his ear, which led him to squeeze even harder.

     " _Barry...."_ The way his name tumbled from her lips turned him on so much. He broke the embrace long enough to superspeed them into the lounge, where Barry slammed her against the wall. Panting, her chest heaved, causing Barry to stare at her bouncy breasts. He licked his lips as he unzipped her jacket, revealing her corset, which imprisoned her pale white breasts. In a flash of yellow lightning, he ripped open her corset, revealing her blueberry colored nipples, which were extremely hard. Barry took off his gloves, eyed Caitlin, who was still pinned against the wall, and got erect at the sight of her. How her blue eyes pleaded with him to take her right then, right there. How she bit her bottom lip and how she was kneading her breasts, trying to get some sort of pleasure.

    Barry carried her over to the couch, where he laid her down and worked to get her lower half bare. He stopped to suck on her beautifully pale neck, going lower to her breasts, where rolled the right nipple tightly and sucked on her right breast. Caitlin bucked her hips as Barry's tongue swirled around her right breast, getting a feel for how hard he was. Barry's mouth left Caitlin's chest as worked on to remove her pants and panties. Barry tossed the rest of her clothes to who knows where and drunk in her naked beauty. Barry lowered his head between her legs, kissing and sucking on her thighs.

    "Barry... oh my god yes Barry." Caitlin began to moan and fist her hands into his hair. Then she felt his tongue enter her in one swift motion, swirling in her velvety, warm depths. Caitlin was close, oh so very close to her release, but then Barry stopped. He stopped everything. He unzipped his flash suit, revealing his abs and boxers. He took a piece of foil from his backpack beside them, and gave it to Caitlin to hold. As he pulled down his boxers, his nine inch piece of erect arousal sprung out. 

   Barry looked at Caitlin, an insatiable hunger obvious in his eyes.  He huskily commanded, "Put it on me." 

   Caitlin locked eye contact with Barry and began rolling the condom on his dick, causing him to groan. 

   "I need you Caitlin. I need you  _now._ " 

   Once Caitlin was done rolling it on him, he laid he down and slammed inside of her with such ferocity that she fell back with a cry. Barry grabbed her leg as he pounded into her. Caitlin grabbed the sides of the couch as her mouth formed an 'O', but no sounds came out. Caitlin felt herself become wetter and wetter as Barry's thrusts became much quicker and harder.

   Caitlin grabbed her breasts as they kept jiggling and began to fondle them, starting to play with herself as Barry plowed away inside her. Barry grabbed her hips and went deeper and harder inside of her. Just as they were about to reach their release together and crumble in the most beautiful way possible....

     _Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"That's the security system. Someone's...on the...premises." Caitlin hadn't lost the arousal in her voice, and it took all of Barry's self control to not bust inside of her. Instead, he and Caitlin go dressed and went to go investigate. As they entered the Cortex, they found a teenage girl in a blue and white speedster suit vibrating uncontrollably. 

     _"Help...me..."_ She fell with a loud crash, bumping her head on Cisco's desk and falling into a bloody heap on the floor.

* * *

* * *

     ****STAR Labs Medical Bay****

I woke up with a foggy sense of sight and a faint ringing in my ears. Everything was blurry, but when I opened my eyes, I could tell I was in a hospital of some sort. I saw medical tools and knew I was on a medical bed. I tried to sit up, and my vision started to become a little clearer. Not 20/20 vision, but not blind like a bat either. 

    "If I were you...I'd try to stay hydrated and get some rest."

    As my vision focused, I saw two people--a man and a woman---walk in. The woman was breathtaking: blue eyes, snow white hair, an amazing figure and a beautiful blue corset that matches with her black pants and jacket and blue heels. The man was incredibly handsome. Emerald eyes, slightly ruffled hair and a red suit---with a white and gold lightning emblem. These two people looked like.... It had to be them. I must've went to STAR Labs after all. I found them. My parents.

   "Hi mom. Hey daddy."

   They quickly stopped smiling softly and they stared at me in awe and confusion. Before they could question me any further, everything went black again. 

 

 


	3. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I looked between them, they were still the same lovey dovey people back when they were younger. I couldn't look him in the eyes, though. The last time I did, they were bloody and lifeless."

     Caitlin's mouth fell open as she pointed at the young girl in disbelief. Her gaze met Barry's but her posture remained the same. "Did she just say:'Hi mom and dad'?? Barry.... _Please_ tell me you heard that. I'm not going crazy right?" Caitlin began to hyperventilate; she couldn't be a mother, not yet anyway. Besides, what her and Barry had was strictly physical. Friends with benefits. Nothing less, nothing more. No matter how they felt about each other, they tried to suppress it as much as they could. But maybe they couldn't; obviously they become the parents of this unidentified speedster, but who knows what their relationship is like in the future? Maybe they have a one night stand and accidentally conceive her? Maybe they're married? Caitlin looked to the man beside her, the man who was once destined to marry Iris West-Allen. They become parents, they have sex and create a new person to share with the world. The thought of it all calmed Caitlin down a little bit and actually excited her. She kept her gaze on Barry as he kept his gaze on the girl.

     _"Hi mom. Hey dad." Dad....dad...dad._ Barry becomes a father, a father to a meta-human girl. He becomes a parent...with Caitlin.  _"Sometimes great possibilities are right in front of us, and we don't see them because we choose not to."_ Could this be a sign? Is he really meant to be with Dr. Caitlin Melanie Snow? This amazing woman, who has gone through so much pain, so much heartache in her life, deserved the world. She deserved happiness, and maybe in the future, her starting a family with Barry, being a mother and being a superhero is what causes her to be happy. Barry's gaze meets Caitlin's and he stares into her icy blue eyes. He cracks a toothy grin and she smiles sweetly at him. His emerald pools bare into her soul as her icy blue ones leave their mark. They closed the distance between each other and leaned in. Their lips centimeters away from each as they took in each other's intoxicating aromas....

   "Come on guys! I may be 15 but I do  _not_ want to witness you guys make me!"

    Barry and Caitlin jumped at the statement and stared at the girl in disbelief. She sat up, smiling at the duo, her suit still bloodied and the side of her head still split open and dripping with blood. The pain didn't phase her at all, but the sight of her alarmed Barry and Caitlin.

   "What do you think you're doing?" 

   "Ummmm... I don't know? Talking?"

    Caitlin rolled her eyes at the girl's obliviousness and motioned her to lay down. The girl did as she was told and Caitlin went to go grab her medical gear. Barry watched Caitlin work, the way that her white hair fell around her shoulders, the way she bit her lip as she worked and the way she scrunched her nose up as she concentrated. As Barry stared at her the young girl stared at him.

    "Dad. Stop staring at her and let her fix me! Geez. You're being creepier than Dr. Wells."

    Barry stared at the girl in awe. He kept forgetting that she had the ability to speak. They also seemed to skim over the fact that she was from the future. They needed to know how she got there, when she got there and why.

    "Who are you?"

    The girl smiled as she replied, "Already told you. I'm your daughter!! You're daughter from the future!" She squirmed as she said this, causing Caitlin to mess up her stitches. Caitlin then scolded the young girl, causing her to stay still.

    Barry smiled at the sight of Caitlin's motherly instincts and laughed a little. Was this his life in the future, a loving, beautiful meta-human family? Only time could tell. Or maybe, a certain femaie meta-human speedster.

    "Seriously...who are you? Why are you here?"

    The young girl stopped smiling and sighed. "My name is Victoria Nora Snow-Allen. I am fifteen years old and my hero alias is Artic Flash. Well, people insist on calling me Kid Flash but Artic Flash fits my profile better. Even though I am still a kid..." The girl...Victoria...babbled on. If she really was Barry's child, then it wouldn't be a surprise since she shares so many traits with her dad.

    "Victoria--"

    "Tori. You guys insist on everyone calling me Tori because saying 'Victoria' every time would sound extremely boring and be time consuming."

    "Okay...Tori, can you tell us anything about the future? Like what happens to us? Or you?"

    Tori frowned at her father...he was the one who told her the main rule of time travel was to never disclose the details of the time period you're travelling from.

    "Dad, you're the one who told me that we can never disclose anything about the future. Any type of disclosure, any type of revelation could prove to have dire consequences. Do you really want that on your conscience?"

     As Caitlin threaded the last of the stitches, she couldn't help but let out a small laugh. The serious tone and the skeptical face her daughter had on was  _so_ her. Caitlin began to think to herself that she would like being a parent. As Caitlin cut the thread from the child's head and cleaned the wounds, Tori sprung out of the hospital bed, stretching and walking around. 

    "Although I can't tell you about the future...I can ask you for help for getting back there, right? I was unfortunately the victim of time displacement due to unforeseen circumstances. I can't figure out how to get back, but I knew that my brilliant parents would know. Help me...please. I want to go home."

    Barry and Caitlin looked at the girl with sympathetic eyes. They felt bad for her, and they wanted to help her, but they also wanted to question her and find out more about her.

   "Of course we'll help. Anything for our daughter."

   Tori smiled at her mother and father and engulfed them in a tight bear hug. Barry and Caitlin smiled nervously at the child, and then nervously glanced at each other.

    _"What the fuck do we do now????"_


	4. The Great Divide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria tries to adjust to life in 2016-esque Central City while Caitlin and Iris have their long overdue talk, with some dire consequences.

  "Well rise and shine Speedy Gonzalez. I made breakfast and it's gonna get cold soon." Barry shook the slumbering teenager awake. Tori slept peacefully in the West guest bedroom, getting a full night's sleep for the first time in two nights. Barry had insisted that she spend the night with him, knowing that Caitlin would pester her with millions of questions throughout the night. Barry had to wait until he knew for sure that Joe would be fast asleep and have an early morning shift in order to sneak the girl in the house. The last time he saw Iris, she had offered to take care of a highly drunk Cisco, so he knew he was in the clear with that. 

    Tori's eyes fluttered open sleepily and she groggily looked up at Barry, who was beaming down at her with his lopsided, million dollar smile. Oh how she loved her father's smile; it was an image she would always adore and cherish....especially since his...."passing". As much as she loved being able to be close to this version of her father, he still wasn't  _ her  _ father. Her eyes began to water as the sleep disappeared from her eyes. "Yeah. I'm coming right there." Barry took note of her eyes shining with tears and became concerned immediately. 

   "Are you ok, Tori?"

   "What do you mean?"

   "You're crying. Just wanted to know if you're ok..."

   Tori wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at her dad. It pained her to look into his emerald green pools and not see fear, betrayal, hurt and disbelief encased in them. Her smiled wavered and she was trembling on the inside. This gentle, kind and humble man who was now smiling at her...it pained her that she would be the cause of his death. But she didn't let it show. She dried her eyes and returned the mega-watt smile.

   "Yeah! I'm crying tears of...joy. Duh! Besides, from what I'm smelling with my speedster nostrils, your food  _ has _ to be good. And remember, because I am a female speedster, I need to consume 10,000 calories per day."

   "I figured as much. So I didn't cook for just me, but for the both of us. Enough food to feed an entire family of six."

   Tori followed Barry out into the hallway and down the stairs so that they could eat their breakfast, continuing their conversation.

   "Quick question. Feel free to ignore me if you deem it too personal and all that...jazz."

   "Go ahead. Shoot kiddo."

   Tori cocked her head and squinted her eyes, trying to find the most appropriate way to phrase the question.

   "Do you still love Miss Iris? Like do you wanna marry her or anything like that?"

   Barry froze and stopped midway down the stairs. It's been at least two weeks since his big break up with Iris, and there were still many  _ many  _ things left unsaid between the trio. He regrets hurting Iris, no doubt about that. But maybe their break up was for the best; Iris was a beautiful woman, she would find someone else, someone deserving and in love with her.

   As for him...Barry had his eyes set on someone else from the get-go. Someone cold and reserved when he first met them, but eventually thawed out. Someone loyal, genius and beautiful. A woman who could kick ass and stand up for her friends. Barry Allen had always felt something for his physician. Maybe he was in love with Caitlin. Whatever the case, he knew he didn't love Iris anymore.

   Barry continued his descent down the stairs as he spoke slowly, "Ummmm...it's complicated at the moment. I don't know how I feel about her. I just know that I'm not in love with her anymore. That spot has been filled by someone else..."

   "Do you mean Mom?"

   Barry flinched as he walked toward the table. It's not that he can't seem himself with Caitlin raising this beautiful young lady to be a speedster/cryokinetic, it's just that it's so weird to be twenty-seven and have a fifteen year old call you 'dad'.

   "Does me calling you and Dr. Snow 'mom' and 'dad' weird you guys out?"

   "Kind of. Not that I hate it, but it does weird me out a little bit."

   Tori smiled a small smile. It felt good to be in the presence of her father, but it also tore out her out that he found it weird that she felt comfortable to refer to him as her father. In her timeline, her father is dead. By her hands, and Tori wanted to forget that, at least for the moment.  _This_ Barry might not be her dad, but he is Barry nonetheless. 

   "Why don't we eat breakfast? I do recall that I said it was getting cold."

   "Sounds good to me da-I mean Mr. Allen."

   The two speedsters sat at the table across from each other and ate in a comfortable silence, preparing for the day ahead of them.

* * *

* * *

   Caitlin was always the first one to arrive in the morning. As her heels clicked along the marble floor, she breathed in slowly and exhaled. The clock in the Cortex had read 8:13 am, only forty-seven minutes before anyone else actually arrived. 

 _Good, now I actually have the chance to think and get settled._ Caitlin took off her autumn jacket and put her purse down beside her as she turned on all of her computers. Caitlin always arrived early to work, even when S.T.A.R. Labs was at the height of its prime. It had became a habit for her, and it also gave her time to clear her mind and think to herself when she needed it.

   And she needed it; being the cause of a destined relationship to fall apart and then being visited by a girl who claimed to be her daughter overwhelmed her. And she thought just having a strictly physical relationship with Barry was complicated. She thought being the hero Frost was overwhelming, she thought being compared to her doppelganger Killer Frost was overwhelming. That's the word she would use to describe her life at the moment,  _overwhelming._

  Caitlin thought of all the things she and Barry had said to one another on Halloween night. Their heated conversation about the kiss, Barry's declaration and the passionate session they had underwent. 

  _"Sometimes, great possibilities are right in front of us, and we don't see them because we choose not to."_

Caitlin bit her lip as she was lost in thought.

  _"You need to stop doing this to yourself Cait...you deserve everything."_

  Caitlin stopped digging her teeth in her lip and sighed. Barry did have an amazing effect on her, one that made her feel unique and safe and loved and special all rolled into one. Maybe she did feel something for the speedster, if not then Victoria wouldn't have existed. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Iris nor Cisco walk in the Cortex.

   "Morning, Cait."

   "Good morning Caitlin."

   Caitlin turned in her swivel chair and noticed the West beauty and her engineering best friend walking in, giving her polite greetings. As soon as her eyes locked with Iris' she felt cold inside. She knew that the three of them needed to talk about what was going on between them, and she dreaded that talk. To make matters worse, no one knew of Victoria's existence and of her and Barry's "arrangement". Caitlin turned back into her computer before it dawned on her what time it was. 8:42 am.

   "I thought you guys would be coming in at 9 o'clock sharp. What happened to that?"

   Cisco groggily looked to her and mumbled, "I'm still kind of recovering from Halloween's escapades, so I decided to come in early so hopefully I could leave work early."

   Iris rolled her eyes as she said, "I told Cisco that he could've just called Barry and said he needed a personal day. But noooooo, he insisted that he come into work."

   "Who else is gonna modify the suit?! Hmmmmm?! I will  _not_ leave that job up to H.R. and Wally again. Barry's suit was  _green. GREEN._ I don't even know how they did it, nor do I want to know. So I'm working it!"

   Iris chuckled at her friend's playful demeanor and caught herself staring at Dr. Snow. She couldn't pinpoint why, but she felt an uneasiness when in her presence. Maybe it was due to the fact that there was many things left unsaid between them. Iris decided to be the stronger woman and bury the hatchet and try to resolve her differences with Caitlin.

   "Caitlin, do you mind talking with me down in the Pipeline entrance? It's about...womanly things."

    Caitlin looked up from her work and up at Iris, disbelieving.  _This is it. Time to talk about everything I guess._ Caitlin got up from her station and followed Iris, another wave of uneasiness washing over her body. Oh how she wished Barry were there with her, whispering in her ear that everything would turn out alright.

* * *

* * *

 

    "What did you want to talk about?"

    "I think we both know the answer to that Caitlin."  

    Caitlin gulped as she knew what was coming in the conversation. She turned and faced Iris, who had the same look of discomfort etched all of her face and her arms crossed over her chest.

    Iris closed her eyes and sighed deeply before saying, "I forgive you."

    Wait...what?

    That's what Caitlin wanted to say, but she stopped herself. _Forgive me for what?_

    "Look, I know that being Frost has taken its toll on you and made you do dumb and crazy things. Like kissing Barry, kidnapping Julian...none of this was your fault. You were under the influence of power. But going after Barry while in your Frost state was painful to watch. I want you to know that I'm here to help if you ever need it."

    Caitlin stood there awe-stricken. How dare she pretend to be sympathetic to Caitlin's predicament? How dare she feign compassion when all she wanted was to lay out her territory?

    "Don't need it."

    Now it was Iris' turn to be confused. What did she mean?

    "I'm sorry Caitlin, what do you--"

    "I don't need your help. I don't want your help. Besides, my judgement is just fine either way, and I don't appreciate you suggesting otherwise."

     Iris chuckled as she tried to maintain the peace, "I'm sorry. But the fact you kissed Barry--"

    "This is what you wanted to talk about? This supposed love triangle going on here? Guess what? There is no triangle anymore." Caitlin had developed an icy layer to her words as she felt the Frost building up inside of her.

     Iris smiled. "Well good. I'm glad you and Barry decided that it's best to leave destiny alone."

     _Destiny..._ Caitlin was destined to become pregnant with Victoria. She and Barry were destined to become the parents of the Arctic Flash. She was destined to be a permanent part in Barry's life. And no one was going to take that away from her.

    "Barry's not in love with you anymore."

    Iris cocked her head and laughed loudly. Tears of laughter formed in her eyes as she just processed what she just heard. How could Barry not be in love with her? She was destined to marry him and become Iris West-Allen. 

    "That's pretty funny Caitlin."

    "Wasn't trying to be funny. He's not in love with you anymore."

    Iris lost her playful demeanor and became agitated. How dare Caitlin say this to her? What gave her the right to tell her that the man who loved her all of his life suddenly stopped?

    "Oh really?" She said in a frustrated huff. "What made you jump to this conclusion?"

    "The fact that he made love to me." Caitlin felt Frost engulf her, feeling her icy exterior expose itself. The side of her that feared no one and said what she pleased. She remembered it all.  _"Maybe Iris wasn't meant to be Iris West-Allen. Maybe the name Allen is supposed to be taken by someone else. Someone who deserves the world."_

     Iris couldn't believe her ears. She refused to believe it. Caitlin and Barry? Yeah right.  _Yeah fucking right._ As if Barry would really choose that icy mess of a human over her. 

    "You're full of it. You're just mad your husband blew up and you have no one. So don't you dare try to ruin what Barry and I have!"

    Frost sneered. Her cheerful and polite demeanor completely gone. "I'm full of it? You mean I was full of Barry. Yup. Slammed me on this very wall, then sped me upstairs and made love to me." Frost shrugged her shoulders at the shock written all over Iris' face. "Hurts doesn't it? When nothing goes your way and you have no one? I got my man. I got powers. I got brains. What do you have besides a pretty little face, Iris? Hmmm? You have your measly little 'destiny'. That's all you have and that's all you will  _ever_ have." Frost didn't lose the malevolence in her voice. Frost seeped with venom and hatred in her words. She cared for no one's feelings. So she didn't care one bit that Iris looked at her with angry tears in her eyes.

    "You bitch. You cold hearted bitch."

    "I've been called worse. Especially when Barry shows me who I belong to. But you wouldn't know about that, would you?"

    Frost smiled her wickedly blind smile and winked at Iris, her blue eyes and cold, harsh blunt words leaving a scorching mark on Iris. As soon as she turned her back to walk back up to Cortex, Iris saw a sea of red. The next thing she knew, she was jumping on Frost/Caitlin, wrestling her to the ground, trying to claw at her face. Iris felt this insatiable rage take over and she loved it. She wanted Caitlin gone. She wanted her dead by her hands. 

* * *

* * *

    "You sure we won't be late Barry?"

    "C'mon! You have  _Flash_ in your name for a reason Tori."

    It was a half hour after breakfast, after lighthearted conversations and quiet laughter. The clock read 8:53 am in the West household and Barry was running late...as usual. 

    "For the fastest man alive, you sure do have a knack for running incredibly late."

    "I don't see you booking it for S.T.A.R. Labs."

    Tori smiled at this gentle man and let out a silent laugh. She had changed into some comfortable street clothes from Iris' teenage years. Although she was thankful for the clothing, she felt uneasy being in anything that was owned by Miss Iris. For all of her life, Iris had hated Tori and and her mother and treated Barry with a cold indifference. She never knew the reason why, but Iris blamed her and Caitlin for ruining what was supposed to be...whatever that meant. 

    "Ready to go?"

    Tori grabbed her small back pack that Barry had given her and gave her father a nod of confirmation. In yellow and indigo lightning, they streaked their way over to S.T.A.R. Labs. 

    As soon as they got to the sixth hundred floor, Barry made Tori wait near the elevator as he went to go find Caitlin and say hi to Cisco. Cisco knew of their...relationship, and was utterly excited and confused for them both. But he did lay out some ground rules for them both: No boning at the Labs. No making out at the Labs. No PDA at the Labs. etc, etc. 

   Barry strolled into the Cortex, expecting to see Caitlin, but only saw Cisco.  _Weird....Cait's always here no matter what._

   "Yo Cisco!"

    Cisco, so engrossed in his work, jumped at the noise. He decided to be dramatic and fling his hand over his heart and gasp loudly.

   "Don't scare me like that! I nearly died man! Gee whiz."

   Barry rolled his eyes and got straight to the point, "Where's Caitlin?"

   Cisco had turned back to his work and without turning back around to acknowledge Barry properly, he said, "She went down to the pipeline."

   "She say why?"

   "Womanly business or something like that."

    Barry's face contorted into a state of confusion as he backed out of the Cortex in search of his...girlfriend? Partner? True Love?

   "Thanks man."

    Barry walked over to the elevators to find Tori leaning against its frame, waiting for him and clearly bored. As soon as she saw him approaching, her body language changed, as did her facial expression. Her face brightly lit up with a smile. Barry motioned for her to follow him so that they could greet Caitlin together, hopefully brightening her day.

    As soon as they reached the entrance to he pipeline, they heard screams and grunts. Barry and Tori raced to the meta-human prison just to find Caitlin and Iris rolling around on the floor, their hair being yanked out and tiny splatters of blood every which way. Barry raced over to the two women and broke up their fight. Tori raced to hold her mom back from Iris as Barry held Iris back from Caitlin.

    "MOM! STOP! YOU GOTTA CHILL OUT! MOM!!!!"

    Iris stopped struggling against Barry as she looked at the young girl through her swollen eyes. She had many of Caitlin's features, her brown and white hair, her nose and her lips. But she also saw hints of Barry in there, primarily in her earth green eyes and the freckles across the bridge of her nose. The fact that she called Caitlin 'mom' really threw her off. She spun around to Barry and demanded through her busted lip, "Who the hell is she? Why did she call this bitch 'mom'?"

    Barry felt his blood boil. How dare Iris attack the mother of his child and call her a female dog? 

    Barry let go of Iris and practically shouted, "Don't you dare talk to Caitlin or my daughter like that!"

   Iris felt her chest hurt with emotional pain and with the gash that ran across it from Caitlin's icicle.  _His daughter...then that means...._

Caitlin staggered to her feet and limped toward Iris. When she was inches in front of her face, she coldly and bluntly stated, "Told you so. He doesn't love you anymore."

   Iris stared at all three members of the Allen family and felt resentment fill her heart. She hated Caitlin, she now hated Barry. She looked at the young girl, who was terrified and completely innocent. She had nothing to do with this. She was the product of Barry and Caitlin's love. The love that she deserved. Iris and Barry belonged together, but the fact that Tori was born ruined that. 

  Iris hated her the most.

 

 


	5. All Is Fair In Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caitlin Snow is a woman who never backs down. She laughs in fear's face. And she is willing to restore her family, no matter what or who she has to hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T TOUCHED THIS STORY IN TWO MONTHS.

_**S.T.A.R. Labs-The Cortex: 17 years into the future**_

_"_ Caitlin. This isn't very reasonable..."

         "Does it look like I give a fuck?"

         "This is insane."

         "Nothing is sane in our line of work, Cisco."

         Caitlin Snow was tired. She was tired of crying, she was tired of being peaceful. She was ready to let loose, she was ready to get wild. She was ready to regain her life, and not even her best friend could deter her from that. It had been two months since Barry was killed and Tori was sucked into the portal to God knows where. She had spent most of her days saving Central City with Cisco, Harry, Wally, Jesse and Joe. But as soon as she put up the corset and put on her power control necklace, she cried her heart out. She cried into the empty house that used to be full of love and laughter, where her sobs echoed for no one to comfort her. On the days where she wasn't crying her eyes out, she was working relentlessly to find her daughter, trying to regain some form of her happiness.

         "Cait, I know you're still hurting. I am too, but what you're suggesting-"

         "-Is the closest thing we have to getting some form of a clue as to where my daughter is. What's your point?"

         Cisco Ramon heard the steel in her voice. He felt the coldness radiate from her body. He knew of the toll Barry dying and Tori going missing took on him, so he could only  _imagine_ what it did to his best friend. To lose her husband and daughter in the same day...he knew that Caitlin has loved and lost throughout her life and this was mostly no different.  _Mostly._ He feared that this would push her over the edge and that she would actually become insane and go back into her Killer Frost form. And no one wanted that. Not again. But standing in front of this woman, this insanely powerful and intelligent woman suddenly made him more timid than he would like to admit. 

         Cisco cleared his throat and powered on. "But messing with the timeline? Not only do you essentially need a Speedster but you know what they said! Altering the timeline is crazy, it's reckless, it's something he wouldn't want us to do." 

        That struck a nerve. Probably not the smartest thing to say.

        Caitlin's eyes become an icy blue and she glared at her friend. Closing the distance between them, ever so slowly and menacingly, she lightly whispered in the haunting, echoing voice she posses with the Frost within: "Don't ever tell me what my husband would want. If you don't want an icicle between the eyes, you will shut the hell up and help me." 

        Cisco trembled in front of his friend as she pulled up her hand and formed an icicle at her fingertip, aimed right above the bridge of his nose. Caitlin saw him tremble and cackled. Cisco knew that she took off her necklace because it had ran out of juice, so the Frost was taking more and more of her personality away. Luckily, Cisco had at least one of the power dampening cuffs in his pocket. He just needed to wait until she put her hand back down.

       She smiled at him with the evil, deadly smile that _Killer_ Frost possessed. "Good to see you're still as smart as ever, Cisco. Now, here's what we're gonna do-" She put her arm at her side and the icicle melted. 

       This was his chance.  _Was._

As soon as Cisco pulled the cuff out of his pocket and crept up behind Caitlin, she whipped around to face him as she grabbed his arm and twisted his shoulder to the point of near dislocation. Cisco's shrieks of terror and pain were music to Caitlin's--or Frost's ears. She laughed some more.

      "What the hell Caitlin?!?!"

      "Come on Cisco. Don't you know trying to sneak up on me is virtually impossible now? I've been picking up some tips from Ollie on my downtime."

      She twisted his arm even worse, causing Cisco to take a knee.

      "Please. Cait, we're friends. You don't want to hurt me."

      Cisco turned his head, enough to get a good look at her face without breaking his neck and causing his shoulder to dislocate. As soon as he made eye contact, he could've sworn that he saw a flicker of brown in her blue irises. But it quickly fled. Caitlin was tired of being weak. She was ready to get her baby back, no matter what the cost is. 

      "Whatever. I'll do this by myself." As she stormed out of the Cortex, she flashed Cisco an icy glare, secretly wishing to shoot actual daggers from her eyes. Cisco stared after her, rubbing his shoulder and hearing the sound of her heels fade away. Cisco couldn't see it, but Caitlin felt hot tears run down her cold skin, to stubborn, hurt and angry to wipe them away. She couldn't believe he didn't want to help her and tried to dissuade her from finding her daughter. She lost her husband damn it, the man she loved and created a life with. The least she could do--or at least wanted to--was avenge his death. In regards to her daughter, she wasn't playing any games. She knew that her baby was out there somewhere; she was going to find out where, even if it means she has to be ruthless in the process. She was willing to do anything...even kill. 

* * *

* * *

_**Central City: Present Day** _

 

       "You sure you're feeling ok?"

       "Of course. Especially after that, I feel amazing."

       Caitlin lazily drew circles on Barry's chest as their breaths normalized. They were in Caitlin's apartment where Barry had been living for the past two months. After the altercation with Iris, Team Flash has been awkward and rocky, especially given the fact that Joe was the only one left in the dark about everything. The guilt gnawed at Barry, Caitlin and Cisco but they thought it would be best for Barry and Iris to tell Joe what had happened.

       Except for the fact that Iris now hated them all with a deep, searing passion. The last time Barry tried to speak to her, he was greeted with a nice hearty hello. That hello being a slap and Iris cussing him out for good consecutive 10 minutes. 

       "I know, I do too. But given everything that's been going on--"

       "I don't want to talk about that."

       "But we need to talk about that."

       Caitlin wiggled herself out of Barry's grasp and sat up, making sure to cover her bare chest. She sat there, gazing forward, biting her lip and finally sighing after a few moments had passed. 

       "Okay. Let's talk."

       Barry sat up with her, dawning the same thoughtful gaze as Caitlin. "I never would've thought I'd get over Iris. I never even contemplated we'd fall in love, start a family, raise a daughter. I never thought we would have that type of future."

       Caitlin grabbed the comforter tighter, biting her lip even harder. She hated the fact that he brought up Iris; it made her feel so inadequate and unworthy that she wanted to scream and punch him in his beautiful jaw. 

      "I hate this. I hate the fact that no matter what happens, I will never be good enough! I will always be compared to Iris and I will always be seen as the girl who surprisingly made Barry fall out of love with her. Barry, I love you. God help me I do, but please stop bringing her up. You know that she hates me, our  _daughter_ and everything in relation to this", she pointed rapidly in between the two of them. She continued as she avoided his gaze, "Barry... I don't want to lose this...whatever we have. These past two months have been the best I've had in a long time. I want more of that. I want to create the future Tori is from. But that can't happen if I feel inadequate because....because of  _her."_

If the sound of hearts breaking could actually be heard, then everyone in the Republic of the Congo could've been able to hear Barry's heart shatter for Caitlin.

      He gently combed his fingers through her dark brown hair streaked with white. To say he loved Caitlin would've been an understatement. Ever since meeting Victoria, the first night they had made love and that kiss they had shared, Barry knew that his feelings were growing, conflicted and gnawing at him. He knew that Caitlin went through heartache all her life, he wanted to be the one to change that. To be hers forever. 

      He wanted to create the future Tori was from as well. He looked forward to getting married, Caitlin bringing Tori into the world, a house filled with love and laughter and many, many years with Caitlin and Tori.

     He pulled his hand back from her hair and gently passed it underneath her chin. He gently and carefully turned her head so that she could make eye contact with him. As soon as they eyes met each other's gaze, he realized she had been crying. She was actually hurting and worrying that this was all dream. Tori wasn't real, what Barry and her had wasn't real. Hell, she even had the thought the Iris wasn't truly angry with her. 

     She thought it was all fake.

     The lovemaking, the passion, the future.

     When Barry then kissed her without any warning, gently slipping his tongue into her mouth, she knew that it was real. To some degree, she was convinced that it was all real. Everything. 

     Returning the kiss, Caitlin lightly moaned and wrapped her arms around Barry's neck, letting the comforter fall. As she and Barry fell back onto the bed, gently sealing the promise of the future they both want, Caitlin made a promise to herself. 

     She would do any and everything to preserve the future. She was willing to do anything...

     

   


	6. Fail Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tori begins to have immense migraines and worries about the sake of the future. Meanwhile, Cisco finally gets a lead on Tori, but it's not expected.

       Tori fiddled with her necklace, a locket with a lightning bolt and snowflake. It was a cool, rainy June night in Central City; she loved nights like this. Her father would pop some popcorn and they'd watch a movie together as they waited for Caitlin to come back home from a late night at the lab. Those were the days, what she wouldn't give for those days to be a reality once more. But that was her past life, she missed the people they used to be back then; crime-fighters who fought for the greater good. But she branded herself as a murderer...her father's murderer. Although her suit was clean and all patched up, she still saw it stained with her father's blood. The thought alone made her draw her knees up to her chest on her bed--well, Iris' old bed. It's funny, she thought to herself, teenage Iris had a lot in common with her taste. The blue and white of the room made her crack a smile as the polka dotted carpet made her chuckle.  _We both have very corny tastes._ All the more reason why it hurt to know that Miss Iris hated her; she wanted a relationship with Iris that wasn't clouded by confusion and hatred.

       She couldn't stand to be in the room anymore, so she decided to leave. As she made her way downstairs for a bottle of water, she stopped in her tracks. There sat Joe, Iris, Barry and Caitlin all in one room. What scared her the most was that everything was utterly calm: no crying, no screaming, no arguing. Just adults talking in a rational manner. Tori turned around and tried to speed back up the stairs when a soft voice called out "Tori? It's okay honey. You can come back down. They won't bite." Tori peeked to see that Barry was smiling reassuringly to her and he was holding Caitlin's hand as well, a sight she would always cherish and hold dear to her heart. Then she shifted her gaze to the Wests: Joe didn't look menacing like his daughter. In fact, he looked welcoming, his brown eyes crinkling in a hesitant smile as tears began to form. Iris was the only one not smiling. She was staring, just staring. No maliciousness, no glares, no figurative daggers being thrown from Iris' scowl, just a stare. As though Iris were analyzing her, she averted her gaze from the girl to the couple before her. 

       Tori slowly made her way down the steps and took her time to make her way to the four adults. She didn't hug Barry and Caitlin, she felt something that she couldn't really pinpoint, but she knew she wasn't entirely happy with them at the moment. She crossed her arms and sat in the recliner by herself, not knowing what to really do with herself. All five of them sat in an uncomfortable silence until Joe finally cleared his throat and began, "Elephant in the room. I will start this, how are you Victoria?"

      The young girl looked at this kind man with wide eyes. He was present in her life since the day she was born, her grandfather assumed a very paternal role in her life in her timeline. So to have him speak to her and not be angry was a relief to her in all honesty. She smiled at her grandfather and lightly replied, "I'm fine thank you. Gotta admit though, being in my own timeline wouldn't inherently suck."

      This earned her a light chuckle from everyone, even Iris. She looked at her to-be mother Caitlin, who was sporting a facial bruise and a black eye from her previous altercation. Tori winced as she looked at her beautiful mother be in actual pain and her flawless creamy skin actually be flawed. Caitlin noted the young speedster/cryokinetic staring and warmly stared back, silently mouthing, "I'm okay. Honest." Tori sunk into the comfy leather recliner and sighed, she just wanted to go upstairs and keep reminiscing about the life she used to have.

      "I'm sorry for what I have done to you guys." 

      Tori looked back up and saw that Iris had begun to speak directly to Barry, Caitlin and her with tears in her eyes. She slowly shook her head as she paused and continued to speak.

      "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone or say such foul things but, I don't know...I felt broken seeing that Barry and I wouldn't get our happy ending."

      "It's not your fault Iris. We get it, you didn't know how to handle this information or the situation. If it had been any of us we probably would have reacted the same way."

      "I still need to take responsibility regardless. What I said to Tori and did to Caitlin....that was unforgivable."

      It was weird to see Caitlin and Iris have this heart to heart talk and not be fighting, yelling obscenities to one another or argue over Barry. To Tori, all she had ever known/witnessed between Iris and Caitlin was hostility, anger, bitterness and hatred. To witness this, it warmed her heart to see the two important women in her life finally get along.

     It also scared her shitless.

     If their relationship was able to change, who knew what else could change about the future? What if she was never born? What if Barry and Caitlin never got together? What if...

     "Can I be excused?"

     All the adults in the room had a look of confusion etched on their faces as Barry quietly asked, "Why? Is everything alright?" The concern and pain in his voice made her wince once more.

    "Yeah...just want to catch up on some more rest is all."

    "Goodnight, kiddo. Sleep tight, alright?"

    Tori hugged everyone tightly and gazed upon Iris before ascending up the stairs for blissful sleep. She noted a pounding in her head, but merely shrugged it off, lulling off into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

* * *

      _ ****17 Years into the future****_

    "Caitlin, I think I've got something!"

    "Cisco, are you sure about this or are you pulling my leg?"

    "I'm completely sure, and I don't want frostbite on my boys so I know for a fact I picked up something."

    It had been a year since Victoria went missing and Barry died. Caitlin and Cisco had been working tirelessly to get her back to the timeline she belonged in. Caitlin had also been coming to terms with the fact that Barry had died, and she had no hard feelings toward her daughter. If anything, she was angry and homicidal toward Ronnie, for he had caused everything. If she didn't have Cisco by her side through everything, she was 120% sure the Frost would have enveloped her and caused her to kill on sight.

    She missed her daughter, one of the last few pieces of normalcy in her life. When Barry died and she went missing, Caitlin felt a chunk of her sanity and humanity vanish as well. If she lost Cisco or found out Tori was dead, she was pretty sure she would have lost it. When Cisco said he might have found something, she wanted to be utterly sure.

    "I think I may have finally found a way to vibe to the past and link my self with Tori. I touched her backpack by accident and got vibes of her in the West house-"

    "Why would she be there? You and I both know Iris and I have a strained relationship and Joe...he's..."

    "I know but that's where she is. Probably before shit hit the fan in 2018."

    Caitlin rolled her eyes and huffed out, "Is she okay? I need to know."

    Cisco made his way over to Tori's backpack and touched it, closing his eyes as he focused on locating her through the various timelines. He saw her. He saw her in pain, crying in pain as she slept on in Iris' old bed, holding her head. Once she screamed in excruciating pain, he let go of the bag, ultimately ending the vibe. He quickly opened his eyes and was panting heavily, trying to process what he had just witnessed. She was in trouble and he knew it. He also knew what would happen if she stayed in 2017 for too long: either she would fade out of existence entirely or the Time Wraiths would find her and drag her into the Speed Force. Either way, it was a fate that he didn't want for her, but if they didn't find her, it would be  _her_ fate.

    Caitlin watched her best friend as he was in mental turmoil, debating with himself. She apprehensively approached him and gently squeezed his shoulder. She waited for him to get his breathing under control before she asked him: "What did you see? Is my baby okay?"

    Cisco turned to face Caitlin, worry and fear written all over his face. He pushed his long hair out of his face and straightened his Vibe Goggles on top of his head as he gulped and calmly told her, "We need to travel to 2017. Right now."

    

 


	7. Keep Bleeding, You Will Be Forgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Reaching on the counter, she pulled out a sharp steak knife. Sharper than Beast Boy's teeth and Vixen's claws, she gently grazed her index finger along the length of the blade. A stream of red trickled downward. She smiled wetly at the sight.
> 
> 'Perfect'. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be shorter than others and if anyone is triggered by self harm or suicide don't read this.

    She was so vibrant and full of life, ready to take on the world.

    Until she wasn't.

    Her green eyes that were the same as her father's had electricity flowing through them, ready to take on the world.

    But they weren't.

    She was such a kindred spirit, breaking the sound barrier in her flats, feeling the wind rush by her face and becoming the hero that everyone expected her to be.

    That was in another life.

    A life she didn't want to return to. Too much bloodshed, too much pain and anguish. Just too much.

    She regained some of her sanity with these people, younger versions of who she loved and knew. But it wasn't the same. Nothing would ever be the same again....

* * *

* * *

    The dream was always the same:

    Ronnie would look at her with his blindingly white eyes and his lopsided, devious smile.

    _Is that all you got Kid? You're no hero, just a little ass kid._

The angry tears began to flow, blurring her vision and judgement. Her body began to vibrate uncontrollably. All she saw was red. She wanted him to shut his damn mouth.

   The energy surged through her body, lightning forming beneath her skin. She lifted her hands as the whitish yellowish lightning manifested at her fingertips.

   She had meant to hit Ronnie...

  _"Mom! Mom, help!"_

   She hadn't known that Ronnie could teleport...

   " _Daddy isn't breathing!"_

Her poor father, for the first time in a long time, wasn't fast enough.

   The lightning hit him square in the chest, and he sputtered up blood. 

   Numbness. Shock. Fear.

   The tears began to roll down uncontrollably as she rushed to her father's side.

   She began to gently rock the lifeless body as she and her mother mourned him. 

  Her suit was drenched in his blood, his blood had spilled because of her.

  She awoke with a start, the vivid nightmare still replaying over and over.

  Her eyes were wet and stung like knives.

  She was tired. Tired of the guilt, tired of the loss. Tired of it all. 

* * *

* * *

  She crept down the stairs. 

  Barry had not known. He'll never know what she does to him in the future. Not if she doesn't exist.

  Somehow she makes her way into the kitchen.

  Perfect. She gently walks near the sink. 

  Reaching on the counter, she pulled out a sharp steak knife. Sharper than Beast Boy's teeth and Vixen's claws, she gently grazed her index finger along the length of the blade. A stream of red trickled downward. She smiled wetly at the sight.

 'Perfect'.

  She gently drove the knife into her arm, until it poked her bone, and drug it along the length of her long arm, just up to her elbow.

  She fell to a sitting position as her blood spilled.

  In her state of deliriousness, she began to laugh. 

  A maniacal laugh that only the Joker himself could dream of.

 Her debt would finally be repaid. Her life lost to make up for his life lost.

 Her blood spilled to make up for his blood spilling. 

 The warm red liquid oozing out of her arm was a comforting sensation.

 She always wondered what death would be like. And just like her father, she would know.

 The darkness soon came, welcoming her, forgiving her for her deeds.

 She finally felt at ease....

 


	8. Resets and Second Chances

   It’s believed that everyone gets a shot at redemption if needed. It is believed that we can atone for our sins and still find peace. No matter what, we can find a way to make sure that the guilt and consequences of what we do don’t follow us.

  It’s not always the case, though. Not for everyone anyway. _She_ should know anyway.

  Victoria Allen-Snow. She thought she could give her life to make up for what she thinks she did. She didn’t know any better. She didn’t know that as soon as the crimson liquid oozed out of her wrists and the knife clattered against the floor that they would find out.

  She figured something like that would happen. She had been counting on the possibility that she would’ve been dead. She hadn’t anticipated the tears, or the powerful screams from Dr. Snow. She hadn’t anticipated Barry speeding her to the hospital to stop the bleeding.

  She hadn’t been prepared to actually  _live_. 

  She hadn’t atoned for her sins. She didn’t give her life for her father’s. They just had to save her. 

  Of course they did. Flash and Frost. Dr. Snow and Mr. Allen. They were quite the pair were they not?

  They would never let her die. Not as long as they lived. And she was annoyed. 

  Even after 4 hours of stitching her wrists back up with no anesthesia, Tori was healed. Well, physically. But she was plotting to die. She had to. 

   _Maybe I can jump out the window. Or overdose on painkillers? I don’t deserve this._

  So many options to kill herself. But no time at all. Not with Barry and Caitlin barging into the room, anger and malice in each step.

  Tori turned her head to face the duo; confusion, pain, anger and everything in between etched onto their faces.

  She couldn’t care less.

  Caitlin broke the smothering silence first. “If we didn’t find you when we did you would’ve been dead.” Her voice quivered and was shaking, her tears catching in her eyes and threatening to overflow.

  Tori just shrugged and laughed a humorless laugh. “Should’ve stayed asleep”.

  Barry had his arms crossed and his eyes that shined with hope was burning with something else. Anger. His brows were furrowed and his jaw was set. 

  “Why did you cut your wrists?”

  “Why are you so concerned?”

  “Answer the damn question, Victoria”.

  They didn’t understand.  _Not. At. All._ Not that they would anyway. Especially Barry. She was indebted to him and he didn’t even know. Nor would he ever. 

  “I had to do it. I owe my life to someone and this is my repayment”.

  Barry was now crying a few tears of his own. Seeing a young woman so hellbent on killing herself so she could repay someone. Whatever she did couldn’t be that bad, right? 

  “No. You didn’t need to try to kill yourself. We all make mistakes in life, but all we can do is learn and move on. Nothing is worth killing yourself.”

  Tori scoffed. “You wouldn’t know, would you?”

  Leave it to her father to cry over someone he just met. He was just a caring and empathetic person like that. 

  It irked Victoria’s soul to the point of no return. 

  “I really wish I had just died”.

  Caitlin in a soft voice had suggested: “Maybe you living right now is another chance at life”. 

  Victoria didn’t want a second chance. That just meant another chance at her killing her father and everything falling into a paradoxical loop. 

  But maybe she was given a second chance. She didn’t want to think about it. She just wanted her whole day, her whole life to just reset. 

  For now, until she could get home...

  “Maybe you’re right. You only get one chance at life. I can repay my debt another way.”

  Who the fuck was she kidding? She could never face her father after killing him and trying to kill herself. Yet here she was, staring at him in the face. 

  There was a burning sensation in the back of her head and a lump in her throat.

  Her vision became blurry. And then...finally...

  Darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!!!! After a 10 month hiatus filled with anxiety I am back and posting biweekly :)


	9. Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco and Caitlin visit Barry.

**** _17 years in the future**_**

Caitlin Snow never did well in the heat. Even before she ever found out she was a cryokinetic, Caitlin preferred the autumn and winter to the warmers months. She had a fondness of the cold for reasons she could never explain.

She never liked the heat, she tried her damnest to stay out of it. She felt more lethargic and weak in the heat; she hated that feeling. But...today was an exception. 

It had been a couple of months since Barry’s burial and a couple more since Victoria had fell victim to time displacement. She missed them both terribly, but since the plan to save Victoria isn’t fully formed, the least she could do is visit her husband. 

With her best friend in tow, Caitlin went to Central City Cemetery to pay Barry a visit. With a bouquet of flowers in her hands, Caitlin slowly made her way across the cemetery, careful to not step on people’s graves (as much as she could).

The pair finally made their way to the grave stone of _Barry Allen: Father, Husband, Friend...Hero. ~~~~_Caitlin set the flowers down and looked at Cisco, encouraging him to say something to his fallen friend.

The not so young man, teetering around the ripe age of 41, shuffled his feet and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. His long locks were slicked back in a ponytail as he sighed and began:

”Hey man, long time no see. It’s been like six months since we all had to say goodbye to you, it’s not easy. It’s not easy not seeing your face or feeling your presence. It’s especially not easy picking up the slack of the Flash.”

He chuckled a bittersweet chuckle as he continued. “And...we’re still trying to find Tori. It’s been one heartache after another with you dying and us losing Victoria...we’re trying to hold on. Trying to be strong.” 

The man crouched down and lightly touched the gravestone, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I promised you I’d protect your family, I intend to keep that promise.” Standing back up, Cisco wiped his eyes and smiled a watery smile at Caitlin. 

Caitlin, wearing sunglasses and a baby blue colored sundress with sandals, stood in front of her husband’s grave. 

“Hi Barry. I miss you so much.”

Caitlin had never done well with death or goodbyes, even with all of her fallen comrades. When she _thought_  that Ronnie had died, she went into a depressive state and became cold and indifferent to everyone. 

However, ever since she met Barry, she learned how to show her emotions and become expressive. She was too worried about getting Victoria back to wallow in self pity. 

Caitlin was glad she decided to wear ssunglasses, because tears began to sting her eyes. But Caitlin wasn’t going to allow herself to cry, not yet. She balled up her fists and squared her shoulders, hardening her resolve.

”I promise Barry, we’re getting our baby girl back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice little sweet (kinda filler) chapter 


End file.
